DOHA, Qatar — Sitting in the lounge chair, Raneem Hijazi feels her anxiousness rise. She is ready to fulfill her 11-month-old daughter for the primary time because the hospital in Gaza the place she gave start.
Then the door to her condominium in Doha opens, and her mother-in-law carries child Mariam, together with her curly hair in pigtails, to her.
Hijazi, 23, is wheelchair-bound now — her legs nonetheless filled with pins and braces. She holds child Mariam on her lap and the kid leans towards her mom’s left shoulder, the place her arm has been amputated.
Hijazi kisses her face, says her identify, and “It’s me, your mother.” However it’s clear, Mariam doesn’t acknowledge her. The child reaches for her grandmother.
This bittersweet second is one Hijazi thought may by no means occur. In any case, it’s taken greater than 300 days. However it’s a second she has thought quite a bit about, one which stored her going within the darkest instances, via greater than a dozen surgical procedures and excruciating bodily and emotional ache.
In that second of reuniting, all of Hijazi’s doubts disappeared. She thought, “That is my daughter. How did I go away her behind?”
The night time of Mariam’s start
Mariam’s start was a miracle. Hijazi was eight months pregnant when the Hamas-led Oct. 7, 2023, assault on Israel occurred, and the Israeli airstrikes began in Gaza Metropolis, the place she lived together with her husband, his household, and their 11-month-old son, Azuz.
The bombings despatched Hijazi and her prolonged household to hunt shelter in central Gaza, the place the Israeli army mentioned it was a “secure zone.” It was there, at 3 a.m., that an airstrike hit their lodging.
Hijazi’s mother-in-law, Soha Sakallah, noticed Hijazi, her legs and arms trapped and mangled. “Her leg — I may see the bones, the flesh. It was darkish. I did not know what to do,” Sakallah remembers, crying. Close by, she noticed a ugly scene: Hijazi’s son Azuz, Soha’s grandson, wasn’t shifting. “I used to be saying, Azuz, Azuz. I held him, and I noticed that his head was gone.”
Child Azuz was killed that day, together with seven different members of the family. Hijazi, who was badly injured and buried in rubble, informed her husband Asaad Sakallah, who survived, “Depart me. Depart me to die. My son is useless.”
However they did not go away her. Hijazi made it to Nasser Hospital in Khan Younis, within the southern Gaza Strip, the place 1000’s of individuals lined the hallways, searching for security from the continued airstrikes. There, the medical doctors carried out an emergency cesarean part, lit solely by the flashlights on their cell phones. There was no electrical energy, no water, and no antibiotics to battle infections. And but she delivered a wholesome child woman, a number of weeks early.
She named her Mariam, after her husband’s sister who was killed.
“The minute they acquired Mariam out and he or she was born and he or she drew her first breath, I drew a breath as properly,” remembers Hijazi. “I got here again to life.”
Airlifted to Qatar
However that life was nonetheless tenuous. After giving start to Mariam, Hijazi’s wounds have been so extreme she was evacuated first to Egypt after which by the Qatari authorities to Doha, Qatar, the place about 2,000 critically wounded sufferers from Gaza dwell, present process medical care.
However she was greater than 1,000 miles away from her household.
Child Mariam, together with Hijazi’s husband and his mother and father, have been ultimately in a position to make it to Egypt. They paid 1000’s of {dollars} to flee Gaza, however didn’t have visas to affix Hijazi in Doha. So for 10 months, Hijazi, who was deep within the grief of dropping her son, needed to watch from her hospital mattress as her second child grew up over video messages and calls.
“On daily basis she would do one thing new,” Hijazi remembers. “Slightly factor. A brand new motion.” She smiled for the primary time. She began speaking. She acquired tooth.
“At first she was so tiny, she wouldn’t be capable of correctly deal with the telephone once we would speak on video name,” she provides. “However then when she grew a bit older, I purchased a toy for her, so she would deal with the telephone display and have a look at the digicam. After which I felt I may speak to her.”
Being alone in Doha was the toughest half. Over these lonely months, Hijazi underwent greater than a dozen surgical procedures, and numerous hours of psychological and bodily remedy — that’s nonetheless ongoing.
“After I first acquired to Doha, I used to be in a darkish place,” she remembers. “I used to consider issues quite a bit, I acquired depressed. At first, I wasn’t sleeping in any respect. I informed the physician I used to be having nightmares of the night time we have been hit by the airstrike. I stored reliving that day — the day we have been hit — again and again, unable to overlook it.“
In that grief, the one factor that stored her going was the hope of someday assembly, and holding, her second child for the primary time.
“Speaking to my daughter would make me really feel so a lot better,” Hijazi says. “A 360 diploma distinction, I felt reduction. She would utterly flip my temper round.”
After which, on one of many final days of August, when Mariam was already crawling and speaking, her household was permitted to affix her in Doha.
By September, Hijazi’s small two-bedroom condominium is packed: There’s a bubbly child plus Hijazi’s husband and his mother and father, Soha and Ezzat Sakallah who’ve helped elevate Mariam.
A lot of the time, all of the adults are centered on child Mariam, who’s now the focal point. “She’s the fruit of this home,” her grandfather Ezzat says, “the enjoyment of this home.”
Hijazi says her daughter’s presence has lifted her spirits and helped her deal with rebuilding her bodily power.
An extended street to restoration
Most of the providers Hijazi and different wounded sufferers from Gaza want are housed in the identical complicated in Doha the place they dwell: flats constructed as housing for soccer’s 2022 FIFA World Cup. In certainly one of her afternoon bodily remedy classes, Hijazi’s therapist lifts her leg with a weight strapped to her ankle.
“We’re doing this to strengthen the muscle tissues,” says Ruwaa Majed, her physiotherapist. “Maintain it for 10 seconds, and launch.” She counts to 10, as Hijazi protests. “I’m achieved Ruwaa, I already did 10!” she says, laughing. “You’re counting too slowly.”
These two girls are across the similar age, and over the months they’ve been working collectively they’ve turn into shut associates. Some classes, they only sit and speak. By this level, Majed is aware of Hijazi usually wants a little bit push to maintain going.
“Come on Raneem,” she encourages now, “Don’t you wanna be capable of run after your daughter?”
However almost a yr after the assault, even the smallest actions nonetheless trigger excruciating ache. Hijazi wants a prosthetic arm and would require no less than one other yr of intensive remedy to have the ability to stroll and look after Mariam. She’s scheduled for one more main surgical procedure within the coming weeks to try to reconstruct the kneecap on her left leg, which was crushed.
“Typically I sit there and I feel, I’ve solely acquired one arm, each my legs are injured. My well being isn’t excellent. … How can I rise up and do issues? People who find themselves in my state of affairs don’t do issues,” she says. “However then I hear tales about girls who’ve misplaced each their legs and arms and are nonetheless doing issues and I feel, why not me?“
She not too long ago watched a video on-line of a lady who does every little thing together with her ft — consuming and ingesting, and he or she felt impressed.
“I don’t need to simply sit there and do nothing, so I’m making an attempt to be taught to do issues with my accidents. I’m making an attempt to cook dinner,” she says. “I feel to myself: I nonetheless have one arm, no less than. Let me use it.”
Again in her condominium, Hijazi winces as she walks gingerly down the hallway to the kitchen, bracing herself towards the wall. She begins to make espresso, utilizing her tooth to open a water bottle and untie a plastic bag of spices.
“I by no means need folks to do issues for me,” she says, “I need to do issues for myself.”
Spending time within the kitchen brings her consolation. Earlier than the conflict, she cherished to bake. “Here’s a chocolate cheesecake I made,” she says, citing a photograph on her telephone. She scrolls again via time, pulling up extra truffles and goodies she’s crafted. “Made by Raneem!” she says, laughing.
Regardless of having a protracted street forward, moments like these remind her of the components of herself, and her outdated life in Gaza, that she is working to regain.
Scrolling via cake photographs, she tries to not linger on the lots of of photographs of Azuz. It’s not possible to recollect her life in Gaza with out feeling the ache of dropping her son, she says. Mariam is now about the identical age Azuz was when he was killed, and each she and her husband can’t assist however see him in her.
“She seems to be identical to her brother,” Asaad Sakallah, 25, says.
“If my daughter does one thing that jogs my memory of my son, I discover myself instantly going to look again via photographs of him, and remembering him, and I begin to cry,” says Hijazi. “Her eyes are like his. Her snort is like his. Even after I maintain her, my coronary heart hurts for her and for my son.”
Sakallah pulls up a video of Azuz, laughing. He then scrolls to a unique video, taken simply days in the past, of Mariam laughing.
It sounds precisely the identical.
Mariam does not know her mother but, and Hijazi’s accidents make it tough to carry her, to feed her and to alter her. In her wheelchair, Hijazi cradles Mariam together with her one arm and Mariam struggles to get away.
“As you’ll be able to see, she’s not used to me. Her grandma is like her mom,” she explains. “That feeling alone kills me.”
Hijazi has resorted to little tips to maintain Mariam shut. On the sofa one morning she tickles the little woman, feeding her small kernels of popcorn to maintain her from crawling away. “I’m tempting her with popcorn,” she says. “I hope that she will get hooked up to me and will get used to me. The sensation of motherhood is so particular.”
With each chew Mariam giggles, and Hijazi smiles. “Little by little it’s getting higher,” Hijazi says. “She’s attending to know me and really feel extra comfy round me.”
Starting to consider the longer term
For a lot of the time Hijazi has been in Doha, she hasn’t let herself take into consideration the longer term.
“We’re simply residing every day because it comes right here, we don’t know what’s going to occur tomorrow,” she says. “I take into consideration how we are going to construct a life for Mariam. Our life is not settled right here. The place will we be in a yr’s time?”
However having her household be part of her these previous couple of days has eased a few of her anxieties. She’s taken on the position of tour information, directing them to ice cream on the port and to the Souq Waqif, a market within the middle of town.
One night time Sakallah pushes her wheelchair via the part of the market promoting loud colourful birds. Mariam is driving on her lap, holding onto a giant pink balloon and squealing with pleasure.
There are not any airstrikes right here; no broken buildings. They’re secure. However the market reminds Hijazi of markets again in Gaza, and he or she lingers on the very fact this isn’t their dwelling.
However Mariam’s unfiltered delight is contagious, and at this second Hijazi feels relaxed, and hopeful.
“I inform myself we’re solely residing this life as soon as, and it’s fleeting,” Hijazi says. In these moments, it is onerous to not try to see the world via Mariam’s eyes. “I might be comfortable giving Mariam even half the life we used to have in Gaza.”
This story was reported by Elissa Nadworny; produced by Fatima Al-Kassab; photographs by Claire Harbage; blended for radio by Lauren Migaki; edited for radio by James Hider and Steve Drummond; edited for digital by Alex Leff.